The Picture of Dorian Gray—the 2009 adaptation of Oscar Wilde’s timeless classic. It’s got everything: smoldering looks, dark secrets, and enough Victorian sass to fill a corset! If you’re in the mood for a film that’s as deep as it is dazzling, well, hold onto your monocle because this one’s a wild ride.
First off, let’s talk about Dorian Gray himself, played by Ben Barnes. This man could smolder water into steam with just a glance. He’s so pretty that the mirror probably asks him if it can have a selfie. But beneath those chiseled cheekbones lies a soul darker than your average goth poetry night. Spoiler alert: he’s not just a pretty face—he’s a pretty face with a penchant for eternal youth, thanks to a portrait that ages for him. It’s like having a really creepy filter on Snapchat… forever.
Colin Firth, who plays Lord Henry, is the ultimate frenemy. He’s like that one friend who convinces you to do shots when you’ve got a 9 AM meeting. Only in this case, the shots are morally dubious life choices. Firth delivers Wilde’s witticisms with the precision of a surgeon wielding a scalpel dipped in sarcasm.
The film’s aesthetic is like Tim Burton and Wes Anderson had a lovechild who ran away to join a Victorian circus. It’s all grandiose sets, moody lighting, and costumes that make you want to reevaluate your wardrobe. If fashion were a crime, this movie would be doing 25 to life.
Now, let’s address the CGI portrait of Dorian. At first, it’s just a bit more decrepit than your average antique store find. But as the movie progresses, it transforms into something you’d expect to see in your nightmares after a midnight cheese binge. It’s basically the equivalent of accidentally opening the front camera on your phone—terrifying and too real.
The dialogue, oh the dialogue! Wilde’s prose is served up with a side of sass and a dash of debauchery. It’s like eating gourmet dark chocolate—bitter, rich, and slightly addictive. You’ll find yourself quoting lines in everyday conversation just to feel a bit more cultured.
The plot is a cautionary tale of what happens when you make a pact with your own vanity. It’s like Faust for the fashion-forward. Imagine if Instagram influencers could make their Botox last forever. Dorian Gray is living that dream/nightmare.
And let’s not forget the soundtrack! It’s moody, broody, and occasionally so on-the-nose it’s like getting hit with a hammer made of melancholy. You’ll feel like you’re right there in the 19th century, albeit with better hygiene and dental care.
If there’s a moral to this story, it’s probably something about inner beauty, the dangers of vanity, and maybe the perils of listening to bad advice from friends who look like Colin Firth. But who cares about morals when you’ve got a movie this entertaining?
Finally, I’ve come to the conclusion that The Picture of Dorian Gray is a delightful dive into decadence and debauchery. It’s like the lovechild of a Gothic novel and a fashion magazine, with a dash of horror for good measure. Whether you’re here for the eye candy, the dark humor, or the philosophical musings, this film has got you covered.
So, grab your finest wine, dim the lights, and prepare to indulge in a film that’s as pretty as it is perturbing. Just remember to keep an eye on your own reflection—you never know when it might start judging you back.
The Curious Critic 
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